Self-love brain training AKA cultivating self-love from a self-improvement perspective. When I actually think about how my active movement toward self-love started, I remember it aligning with when I started reading self-help books. I want to share some of my favourite lessons that bring the most value to my life (when I follow them).
1. Always do your best
In “The Four Agreements“, Don Miguel Ruiz says “always do your best, no more and no less.” If we put fourth our best effort in any given situation, we cannot be disappointed in ourselves for trying and moving one step closer to where we want to be. He also mentions that our definition of our best effort changes from moment to moment and we need to recognize that it is acceptable for our best effort to be constantly changing.
2. Be honest with yourself
This can go one of two ways. If you cannot tap into yourself to identify when you are tired, need a break, need balance, you wont be able to find compassion for yourself when your efforts are low but you are doing your best. The second, is that you have a false sense of self that can shut you off from growth and create poor self talk on a subconscious level. Take time to be real with yourself and find compassion and gratitude for where you are now and where you want to be.
3. Never make assumptoins
About yourself, about other people, about situations, about the future. This is another from Don Miguel’s “The Four Agreements“, and it made me realize how completely toxic assumptions are. It also taught me that I often create negative and conceited assumptions. For example, calling a friend, leaving a voicemail asking them to call you back and when a call isn’t received in return, the mind jumps to “well maybe they don’t like me, maybe what I said last week offended them, maybe they are too good for me”. Maybe, maybe, maybe can be so toxic. Even if it is “maybe they forgot to call me back”, even “positive”-rooted assumptions can lead us down the wrong path too and are best to avoid. Just ask questions to get true answers instead of assuming and practice recognizing when assumptions or judgements are impacting your mental health to allow yourself to drop them and create a better connection. For the record, my mind still often jumps to assumptions, but recognizing when it happens is my best weapon to bring myself back to reality. The more we notice assumptions and drop them, the less frequently they will come up and in time we can train our brains to drop the tricks.
4. Do everything in love
This is one of my favourites. I think the first book to bring this to my attention was “A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson, which shares her lessons from studying a Course in Miracles. Marianne says that only things done in love are real, everything else is a lie. I didn’t understand this at first, but my best interpretation is that at the absolute core of our being, we are all love. And when we act/think/speak out of anything other than love, it is not coming from our truest self at our core. It is rooted in our subconscious, sabotaging us from being and living miracles. Many other books can speak to this same importance.
5. Believe in yourself, tirelessly
This concept is everywhere, but well explained and instilled by Jen Sincero in “You are a Badass“. Whether you think you can or you can’t, you are absolutely right. Every. Single. Time. If you think something is too hard, too far beyond, only for a select few people, only for the rich, you will never have it. If you know at your core that you can achieve your biggest dreams, you will give it 110% effort to find a way and make it happen. If you think you can’t, you continually consolidate to yourself that you can’t and you’ll never truly try. You MUST change your mindset if you want to get what you want to get.
6. Drop the self-deprecating talk
This goes hand in hand with believing in yourself tirelessly, but can reach a deeper level. This is all about paying attention to the subconscious and identifying what limiting beliefs are holding you back. If you can rewrite the story you are telling yourself to be a story of your potential to grow, you will become the kind of person you want to be.
7. Always have faith that you are on the right path
Faith is very new to me, but has been one of the most exciting things I have brought into my life. “The Universe Has Your Back” by Gabrielle Bernstein and “A Return to Love” by Marianne Williamson are two books that have taught me how to trust in something bigger than myself, and I have only seen miracles become of it. When I understand that everything that comes to me I cultivated, I do not have hatred, I do not feel anger, I do not see judgements. When remember that I am being guided, acceptance of what is and what is not becomes clear and allows me to feel at peace with the present.
8. Do what is of the highest good for all
“The Universe Has Your Back” also says that doing whatever is best for the highest good is always the path. I am slowly surrendering to the universe and having faith that I will be guided to whatever is of the highest good for everyone on the planet. I feel purpose, I feel useful, I feel I am stepping into my higher power when I trust in my path. There is nothing that brings me more satisfaction in my life than knowing that I am on a path that will serve to help everyone around me.
We deserve to feel the light that is inside of each of us. By living through these lessons, I have found more peace in myself than I believed was there. I am by no means perfect at any of these morals, to expect anyone to be would be unrealistic. I believe that being consciously aware of how they affect us in our life is the most important effort in moving closer to love. So please know that this was written just as much for me as it was for you, for us. I am by no means an expert in the area of self-love or spirituality. I have read many books by many amazing authors who have taught and inspired these things in me. I hope that through sharing what I have learned, others will feel inspired to share their perspectives until we can all feel the peace that has always been at our core.
